A brief Update on my (personal) Situation

[FunTrucker_18]

Hello, my dear friends!

You didn't hear from me for a pretty long time and I wanted to give you the reasons why. As a part of self therapy stuff.

First things first: The last two weeks were Hell for me. My "girl" broke up with me after 6 years. It came out of the nothing.
At first I thought she was banging another guy, cuz she was hanging around with him very often. I never liked him... Okay, I fucking hate this guy because he is a poser and a pseudo-intellectual, feeling like a kind of god because he works with children.
After she broke up and went away with him I grabbed a half bottle of strong liquor, some disgusting stuff which smelled like old people but I got pretty messed up. While I was drunk she came back with him and the snitch called the police on me. While I was vomiting into the bin suddenly two officers where standing in front of me and tried to "calm me down". The fact is: I was just sitting there and vomiting and never got aggressive or violent against nobody. They were gone pretty fast and they didn't arrest me.
My Ex told me that her personal stooge was worried that I could do harm to myself and called the police but I'm pretty sure he wanted to get rid of me so he could take on her. I mean If I'm worried about somebody, I'd call the medical services, explain the situation and these guys (professional people) decide if police backup is needed. That's the procedure here in Germany. Especially calling only the police on drunk people is pretty risky cuz they can panic and do stupid things.

Anyways. Two days ago I learned the real reason why she broke up:
She NEVER cheated on me, didn't even think about it for a second. The reason is: She's pretty unhappy in her body as a woman and wants to become a guy, I gotta be honest: She always had a "masculine" touch but still she was a real woman for me. A woman with abs is still a woman. At least biologically. She now gets professional help to achieve her wish.
Honest talk: Although I don't wanna see her face at the moment, I'm still ready to support her during the transformation process. I'm not a asshole.

I moved to my sister and even got my own room here, a lot of good food and a lot of booze. And it has a tactical reason: The train station I'm stationed at the moment is just 2 bus stops away.

Another reason why I went dark for a longer time: My job. I had the opportunity to travel through most parts of Germany and surrounding countries. Freight always need to be on the move. East, West, North, South - Anywhere. Sometimes I felt like I'm on the run. But cigarettes, cheap kebab from a downturned station in the sticks, coffee and cold drinks make you feel at home in the loco.
I kinda love this nomad-style life. Always on the move, roaming free through the countryside. I mean, the old turks from back in the steppe were mostly nomads. Maybe there's a connection. I don't know. When I'm at home it just feels like a golden cage. But on the tracks I feel "complete". Guess I'm a modern day Goktürk riding a heavy metal machine instead of a horse.

But there is also good news:
I talked with my sister and decided to spool up our little musical project again.
also got a guy for the drums, my sister on the lead guitar and her spouse on the bass. I am the guy playing the rhythm guitar and do the disturbing screaming. Nothing came up yet but we will start with making music soon. We also got an opportunity to actually record an small EP in a professional studio. We probably will play "Thrash 'n' Roll" - a pretty unknown genre. Having the melody of classical heavy bands like Maiden, Priest with vocals like Sodom or Kreator, combined with clear, melodic parts. When we record stuff, I'll share it


What about my Maps?
I will start working on Project Caucasus some time. Can't give you a date but I'm not "dead" yet. Maybe I'll can manage do work after my drives for an hour or two. We will see.

That was all for now.

Stay frosty, guys!

[Shiriru94]

Ooff... that's crazy what you had recently.... I know what you mean about calling police and get rid while drunk. It's terrible. The medical emergency is really the better option here... I wish you good luck and confidence in the next time, do whatever you want to do to make feel you better and come back even stronger.

Greets from Switzerland

Uff... Das ist richtig krass was du da erleben musstest... Ich weiss, was du meinst bezüglich Polizeieinsatz wenn man betrunken ist. Das ist schlimm... Da ist der Rettungsdienst wirklich die bessere Wahl... I wünsch dir viel Glück und Zuversicht für die nächste Zeit, mach was du auch immer machen willst damit es dir besser geht und komm umso stärker zurück.

Grüsse aus der Schweiz

[Arayas]

Wow...my boring life seams much boring now.

[FunTrucker_18]

Thanks for you support guys. But I gotta be honest - since the broke up I feel a lot more "free" - especially during the weekends, where I am mostly home. I go out with my guys, having a lot of beer and enjoy life. Seems like I am not made for long lasting relationships, tho. Maybe I'll do it like sailors. One women per Train Station. I don't know but roaming around like a nomad is what makes me feel alive, tho. Long distances, cheap hotels, cheap food & booze and a good vibe. Cigarettes and Coffee

But I gotta be honest: Break up is not easy. I sometimes think of the great times I had with her (or him?) - I was really in love. But a break up is not the end of the world. It's the start of something new.
But before I start over I need to "have a talk" with that snitch. This is a goddman loose end. I need to go back to my old place when my Ex isn't at home and look through the paperwork, maybe I find his adress or his phone number.

[FunTrucker_18]

Guys, I got some news. I changed my mind. I did NOT tie up that lose end. This guy is defo not worth it. The funny thing is: He is punished enough. He is in love with her but she spends her time getting nailed by older dudes and he basically suffers from it knowing that. I know this kind of heartbreak too well but he deserves it. And I fucking hate my ex.

For me, on the other hand: Things turned out for me... well... let's say positive. You maybe know, although I finished most of the school, there is still one of the finals missing from my record and there is still no date for it. Til then, I always got a "2nd in Command" with me on board. Most of the time, it was an italian dude. Pretty cool dude and he became a really close friend of me. But shortly after breakup, my Boss called me to his office. I went in and saw this young woman in her beginning 30's. Long, black hair, beautiful eyes, nice bodyshape sitting there. And here smile... Nice! At first I thought she's the boss' daughter when he was like: "This is your new 2nd in Command!" You should've seen the big grin on my ugly mug. It was her 1st job as a "teacher" and I was her guinea pig.

Listening to the same music, liking the same food and a common fondness for alcohol, especially Beer, Raki and Gin - We got along pretty quick. Together we killed 4000km on the open tracks, we moved thousands of tons of cargo and we saw places we didn't know they even existed. We talked a lot about everything, for hours, drank a lot of booze and ate kilos of cheap food. But something changed or developed in the last 5-6 days. I don't know what it was. During a rather short tour of 400km we were talking about what I would do if a dog would suddenly jump in front of the train. I would try to stop was my thought and I told her that I even stopped for a baby bird during shunting and took the baby with me and passed it to care taker friends along the road. She suddenly hugged me and was like "Ooo, you are the best!" WTF, Bruh?!

2nd strange shit happened yesterday. Last week I booked hotel rooms for our break, in some small hotel somewhere in Bavaria. Due to a database error, we didn't got two seperated rooms as usual. No, instead of this we got a room together. No change possible, cuz all other rooms were full. I sacrificed myself and proposed to sleep on the couch. No biggy here.
So after 9 hours shift, we secured our train, went to the hotel, checked in and went straight down to the bar. Couple of beers and we went up to "our" room. Thank god the couch was one of these folding ones. She was in the bed, I was on the couch. In the morning I woke up with her lying next to me. Don't ask me why. I don't know. But I know for sure, nothing sexual happened. She told me that I was okay that she comes onto the couch after she woke up from a nightmare. I only can remember fragments of what happened cuz I had too much booze the night before. Somehow we got pretty close to each other. I mean she even uses every opportunity to sit on my lap like "Can you sign this please?"

Fellow workers describe her as a "mystery" and a "closed shell" which I am about to crack it open.

I don't know... but i guess I just found my next Ex-Girlfriend.